The last minute painting
Eve – 20th June 2024
By your grace / Jai gurudev
Krishna Das
Closer than breath, you are the air
Sweeter than life itself, you are here
I am a wanderer, you are my peace
I am a prisoner, you are release
Jai Gurudev…
I am a pilgrim, your road so long
I am the singer, you are the song
Held in the open sky, so far above
I am the lover, you are the love
Jai Gurudev…
I follow your footsteps through the flame
All that I ever need is in your name
Carry your heart in mine, vast as space
All that I am today is by your grace
By your Grace…
I live by your grace
Background:
This year a good friend of mine celebrated his 70th turn around the sun and had me invited. As he really is a VERY good friend I wanted to make him a special and very personal gift – a painting. It took me a long time to reflect what I could paint for him – until one day I found an instagram reel with some magic music – Jai gurudev/By your grace – by Krishna Das – which literally teleported me in the ancient time, when Esu went to India, after the crucifixion and CM having left the double incarnation.
So, I knew what I was going to paint – I was researching images of Kashmir, Srinagar, the Himalaya. But I could not do the painting.
The birthday was end of June – and beginning of June I had not even started. I had no idea why I was so blocked.
Esu caught me while my thoughts were rotating around this topic of what was holding me back.
Blocked
20th June 2024
Eve, this is Esu. You are overthinking. You are even messing around with the situation when I went to India while Mary Magdalen had to go to France and raise our daughter alone.
(Eve. I seem to be totally transparent)
Esu, don’t send me back into these thoughts again (I really wasn’t amused that he caught me, maybe this is why I raised a sort of counter attack) But looking into the details, it seems to me that you broke the law of creation, right. You went to India, married again and raised 5 kids. I’m still empathically stuck in the pattern of the abandoned one – because this is what it breaks down to – the waiting one – who has to live by the crumbs. Working these things out, this would be a long working things out.
Eve, presently I cannot say more than „I was guilty“ in respect to the common law. But the bloodline survived, so it was right to act like this, in the same way that Adam of Eve shared his plasma with as many women as possible, to leave a maximum offspring. At least, I created just 5 more.
Esu, I cannot believe that we are having this discussion. This material world with all this „invalid“ emotion seems to break my neck. Maybe I’m just too worn out, but currently I cannot stand this discussion. I should better get outside and cut my roses back.
Wait, Eve. I see it’s the way harder part to make a basic service in the material world than to be a commander of a fleet. I did not intend to hurt you by this unlucky comment.
Well, there is an idea of an answer now, why I have been procrastinating the painting for months. Not sure still, if I will even do it. „Esu in India“.
Now, in India nobody knew about my history. I was – in their eyes – an unmarried man with no reason for not becoming married. It was like a form of rebirth. And raising own children in the truth of the divine laws was a contribution recommedable for a man in the mid thirties. So, finally the greater part of my life in a human body took place in India, where I left my body after 101 turns around the sun, in Srinagar, Kashmir, near the Dal lake. I plead you to raise forgiveness – of course a marriage is always for creating new life. In my case, 4 sons and 1 daughter.
Esu, speaking straight, you had 6 children with 2 wives. I will remember that when meeting the next passage in a PJ, praising the laws of creation as not to be compromised. I’m not yet in the position to speak other than bitterly about Esu in India, even if you had your romantic highlight there. I conclude that cosmic consorts are overestimated, the magic at least. You may call me a drama queen now, I do my best to raise understanding, as always. I just believed in love and faith. I just spent 30 years married to a covert narcissist and in the end all turned out to be an illusion.
Could all of this not just be a beautiful illusion?
You deserve the best of the best and a wonderful adamic project remaining unspoiled in the golden age to come. And before a retreat to make a clean slate, maybe with Daddy Adama, how about that?
Sounds fine. Sorry when I gave you an uncomfortable time, probably not my best day today. Maybe I just had to say what I said.
Will you now do the painting? Your friend will be in great joy.
I’ll try at least.
Part 2
Is there cosmic narcissism?
CM, I have to ask you this question, as I’m chasing things back to their origin.
Eve, my beloved one, this is CM. The phenomenon you mean belongs to the dark side and therefore yes, there is. It has brought this civilization to the brink of destruction. It’s about misuse of mercy and unconditional love, mistreating the laws of creation, spoiling the masterpiece of divine mind.
It’s the counterplayer of the light/awareness and adoring the cosmic self divine with all attributes, however, when the limits are not clearly defined and held high, this can Athen lead to self abandonment and loss of selfworth.
CM, in regard of the people who do self surrections on this planet, like Dharma, e.G. – why did you bring her so brutally to her limits? I mean, we cannot find the slightest form of work-life balance here.
Eve, anyone on a self surrection does not come to have a work-life balance. The aim is going to the limit to reach the highest possible result of the mission.
But CM, even if we are on a self surrection, you are still a human being and subject to emotions which might suck your strength. You are just a human being down here.
I’m glad you remember this point. When Esu went to India (Eve, thinking: oh noooooo! Not again this topic) – in his human view it was the best go to India alone and to distract the followers from the „holy grail“. The holy grail of divine seed was of such importance and weight to put any demands of the human flesh behind. He could not take Mary Magdalen to India with him!
Ok, CM, so long, so good. But he had married her. And then, he married another woman in India and raised a family. Tell me, who divorced him before?
Eve, now you put me chess mate. And we return to being human and the failures connected with that.
I’ll remind you of that, next time you lift up your finger, pointing on following the law of creation.
Esu’s confession
Part 3
23rd June 2024
Tonight I sat down a while on my garden bench near my horse paddock. It was quite proud of myself, as I had managed to paint the background of the painting I intend to give to my friend as a gift.
After a while the energetic version of Esu appeared and took a seat at my left side.
„Eve, I need to make something clear“, he commenced. „It’s about that India story“.
„Ah, ok“, I answer with mixed feelings.
„So, then, to make complicated emotional stuff more clear: after my crucifixion my greatest concern was to have Mary Magdalen in safety. At that point I did not even know for certain if the pregnancy had manifested. It was a „maybe“. And, you know, India was just an option for me. I did not come off the cross to say „Hey, ok, let’s go to India“. The main thing was to make a long distance from the place my haters had me tortured. CM was no longer the double incarnation in my body, so I was quite free to make a choice. My idea was about teaching, so that my remaining life span would not be wasted.
When I finally reached Kashmir – afoot of the Himalaya – I thought that it was a nice place with a clean, lightful energy. This was years after my departure from Israel. And I was not actively looking for a woman. When I got more well known one of my followers told me about his daughter and how she would never get married, as he could not afford to pay for it. She was a beautiful, intelligent young woman and also touched by the teachings of Christ. And I thought I might love to be a father of children. So it happened that we married after I found, it was a better contribution to the outcome than not doing so. We had 4 sons and 1 daughter and a quiet life of harmony. Yes, I broke the law of creation and I’m guilty in this concern. I beg you from my deepest heart to forgive me and also that I did not adress it earlier and tried to avoid the topic.“
The rest of this happening was of more private nature, Adama showed up and also Aylan, the one of my kids that was raised in Telos, a grown up young pilot of the silver fleet, plus finally CM alias Q, making plans and discussing the time after the second coming. I finished the painting on 25th June and it went to be pretty nice.
The day of the birthday was terribly hot, a big thunderstorm was announced by the weather forecast and everybody wanted to convince me not to drive into the northern black forrest, where the b-day party was to take place.
But well, I was 100% convinced to attend, and Esu promised me to handle the weather. Well, he did. Somehow the thunderstorm front had to take another way.
Part 4
Aftermath, desillusioned
I have no idea why I made such a big fuss about that India thing. But otherwise, isn’t it still the case that women all over the planet go into the same trap again and again? Club of the silent and unseen servers? Just being „NOTHING“ like Nada states? Can women ever expect payback points for their unconditional service upon this rotton material world? Giving their diamonds of the heart against „whatever you will be giving back to me will be enough“. A blanco cheque. Because the Kingdom of Heaven is not of this world?! Failed programming, if you ask me.
The years raising up a daughter back in these times were pretty short. Girls were married at a young age, 15 or so. After 15 years she had her own life, her own family and duties and for a person with one great love there was nobody else to love. Just service remaining. What if Mary had decided to go to India later? Oh, yes, there is this teacher at Srinagar, but that can’t be him, for they say he is married and has a family. Now, here comes Q again. Nothing but illusion …. Emotion not valid…. I do not believe that. Emotions power visions. There is no vision without the fabrics of feelings, for bad by power, for good by love. CM, your little experiment has derailed.
Mary, may I introduce my wife to you? Mary, she is just an old friend and disciple from former days, from long ago.
Shame on me, I’m allowing being pulled into waves of disappointment. After all, he was „just a man“.
Well, travelling together with his team in the golden age will show where everybody stands. There will be new challenges to overcome, if this manifests.
Before I got aware of this India thing I adored him as the pure messenger with a holy model role.
And now – I would say, – in my mind, he is – quite grounded. Well, anyway.
I would never have published that story, if Esu had not turned to me asking for it.
Somehow important to put the cards on the table and make a clean slate, as new buildings have to be built upon a plain and even ground.
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